My Confessions, My Regrets
by Shikaido Yuki
Summary: What Tokiya has to say about his lovelife. What if all the things turn up ugly... totally unexpected? What if Tokiya has something to say to Fuuko, but it's all too late? An angst story, with ToFuu all over it. Read to find out, please review.


**Author's Ramblings: **Because a VERY special author here requested a ToFuu fic… this one's here, although I've got it in mind for a very long time. Thanks to those who reviewed for the story 'World, Why Is This All Happening To Me?'. It was such an angsty story between Recca and Yanagi… and now I'm doing one between Tokiya and Fuuko. It's the sequel. I had a problem, though: how, where, when, and why Tokiya would lost Fuuko, or Fuuko was the one who lost him? And whose POV I'm going to use? Well, those problems have been solved successfully, and all that's left is… the story, of course. Enjoy reading!

Special thanks to Yanagi-chyan, who requested this fic. You're the first one who reviewed too at RecYan angst story.

**Keys:**

"…" **speeches**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**My Confessions, My Regrets**

_by: Shikaido Yuki_

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw her for the first time. I gasped silently in my mind. It was quite simple, actually: we bumped into each other in one of the corridors at school. I was in a hurry towards a Math class, and yea, you've guessed it, I bumped into her. But it was all coincidence. I mean, I was the one who dropped all of my heavy books onto the floor, and she was the one who did all the shouting and exclaiming, without helping me even a bit! I would still say, 'Darn it' for that very first meet. But yet, I didn't regret it at all. I was even _gleeful._

At that point, I was surprised by myself. I'd never felt anything like _that_ my whole life, especially towards a girl, whose reputation was bad enough to put her in sea-monkey degree. The strange thing was… I felt comfortable. I felt that warm, happy, and nervous feeling all at once when I saw her (not to mention I had cold sweat in my palms too!). I was starting to be preoccupied by her, I told myself at the time, and moved on, ignoring those incredible feelings.

I was reading a novel written by William Shakespeare, titled Romeo and Juliet, when I realized something. Please don't ask me question about Romeo and Juliet, because _die_, if you don't know about it. Such a classic, romantic, not to mention tragic story. Just what I liked, but nobody knew that I was a romance stories junkie, and I don't want that to be spoiled. It's just between you and me, yea? I realized those incredible feelings of being warm, happy, and nervous at the same time. Those feelings are _love_.

It was hard for me to admit that I loved her. I had my hard times, trying just to admit a thing like that. But come to think of it, love isn't _that_ simple, isn't it? Many – _many_ – MANY stories were built based on love problem. Like Romeo and Juliet, of course, and the teen novels nowadays. Love, love, and love. Broken heart. Love. Broken heart. Love. Confusedness. Ahh, those kind of things. I don't really like them, but I just like the classical ones, especially the ones made by William Shakespeare.

Okay, now that I knew that I loved her, what was my first move? To be truthful, I did exactly _nothing_. NOTHING. I had a reputation to stick onto and I loved sticking onto it. Ice Prince was my second name, and I didn't mind. I didn't have any friends too, to be clearer. I avoid social relations, especially the ones that included 'love' in their lists. I tried my best to avoid all of them, but a human just destined to let his guard down for a very few seconds, right? And then, _whoosh_, it took the chance to broke into his heart. Very similar to my story. Hah.

Time passed, and I soon found myself knowing her name. It was Kirisawa Fuuko. Her name sounded dangerous that I even wondered, what kind of girl is this Fuuko?

My question was answered shortly because at lunch time, on school rooftop, I saw with my own very eyes: Fuuko, knocking off about twenty to thirty boys, all alone. And she had victory in her hand. I hid instantly (sticking myself to the ceiling) from her. An appearance before her at the time could land me up at the hospital, although I had my trusted Ensui with me.

To my surprise, she befriended with that boy called Hanabishi Recca, who think he was a ninja, whose master was a girl who really look like my older sister. Her name was Sakoshita Yanagi and I was… a little bit _obsessed_for a while and forgot the whole Fuuko thing. It snapped upon my very own eyes when I saw her again, helping the injured Hanabishi from an almost-shattered glass house, where he and I myself, just had a huge fight. It was all about Yanagi. I admit, I was stupid.

I was more surprised when I saw myself stalking Fuuko. I mean, did I really get _that_ low? Stalking was a job of a crazy paparazzi and too-obsessed fans. Was I one of them? I'd say neither. I was a lover. Heh, imagine Mikagami Tokiya saying something like 'I love you' towards a girl. I'd die.

She was approaching to a huge mansion in the middle of the forest with Hanabishi and Ishijima Domon (AKA Gorilla) at my third stalk. Thank God she wasn't aware. Then, she went into the mansion. I didn't bother to walk in, I felt something dangerous was going to happen.

And my feeling of Fuuko's sudden urge of safety struck. I couldn't help it at all, but soon filled my Ensui with water from the pool and sneaked into the house. It was the time when I realized that I was too late to save her, she saved herself already! So I found another way to help her by helping her gang from being crushed by a huge wall. Add to my Embarrassment Book All Year: I called her sea-monkey. To make it fair, I also called Ishijima and Hanabishi sea-monkeys too. My arrogance, high ego stopped me from being nice to her. It was likely to come true, I had predicted it.

Oooh… I was so happy when I decided to follow suit to Kagerou's house. Fuuko was there, and she looked cute under those clothes she was wearing. I suppressed myself to death not to blush, and eventually, managed. The gang would laugh out loud when they saw the famous Ice Prince blush.

And there was the UBS thing.

Her first rival: Fujimaru from the Kuus, really pissed me off. How dare he! How dare he stripped Fuuko in front of people like that! Couldn't he have just the tiniest bit of respect towards ladies? Oh God, I wanted to choke him to death real bad, but held the feeling uptight. No more fights should be added at this state.

I'd poked myself for being so selfish and childish when we were fighting against Uruha Oto (Neon, Aki, and Miki). How in the hell could I do that? I lost my self-control, and if it wasn't for Fuuko (who slapped my face till I bleed), I'd been resting forever in my coffin right now. Really. She might look stupid and not well-educated, but that didn't mean that she hadn't had a brain of superb wise ness and intelligence. Oops, did I really mean that? Never mind. And it's no humor.

Kirisawa Fuuko always amazed me in the most unusual way, even the way she slept. She looked so cute, snoring aloud like that. I always smiled secretly when I saw her in the middle of the night. My angel, snoring even louder than Domon (kicked him in the head too).

When we ought to competed against Uruha Maboroshi (why was it always 'Uruha'?), I was at the announcer's seat, being a commentator, meaning I should judge the Hokages with different point of view. I wouldn't want to risk my life and humiliation, mind, just because of a silly fight. Beside, I _knew_ that Recca and the others (esp. Fuuko), could handle it perfectly without me.

That was when I saw the members of Uruha Maboroshi: huge, monster-like Gashakura, mummy-like Tsukishiro, ninja-obsessed Kashamaru (reminded me a lot of Recca, I'd tell you), and the mysterious Magensha. I was amused, and shocked about their appearance into the stage; even more when I saw the list about who was about to fight whom thingy. Koganei vs. Tsukishiro, Recca vs. Kashamaru, Fuuko vs. Gashakura, and _DOMON _vs. Magensha? There must be something wrong, I said to Nemi, who was beside me. But then, she only sweatdropped, still carrying that happy smile of hers. Why not, I thought. This could be a test for Domon. I just hoped he'd win.

The referee was Inuko, fox-like lady.

"The first fighter from Uruha Ma, Tsukishiro!" Inuko announced.

The mummy-like boy suddenly wracked his own bandages with a half-moon-like sword. It looked rather like a boomerang.

"Hello," his soft voice echoed. Nemi immediately shouted beside me, "It looks like Tsukishiro is a handsome young man! This is his first appearance on stage!"

"I'd warn you," he said again, still with that soft, lady-like voice, "I'm going to win without even touching my opponent."

"We'll see 'bout that!" Fuuko screamed from outside the stage. Oh, I'd known you'd say something like that, Fuuko. It was likely of you. Hah, this love thing was starting to get into my mind. And who said I'm no romantic? Bite their tongues, coz they're all wrong. I can be as romantic as Hugh Grant.

I snapped from my daydreaming when I heard Koganei stepped onto the stage, saying, "I'm going to try my best." Well, good luck for you, Koganei.

"Huh, isn't he Koganei, the traitor of Uruha?" I heard Magensha whispered to Gashakura. "So different from what I've heard," Gashakura replied casually.

"Yeah, once he fights with Tsukishiro, he'll know that the warning earlier wasn't just a lie," Magensha agreed with a nod.

'Wasn't just a lie?' I repeated in my mind. What exactly did he mean by that? Was it really true that Tsukishiro could win _without_ touching his opponent? _Impossible_, I thought.

"Tsukishiro vs. Koganei!" Inuko cried, "Start!"

And I watched their match. Tsukishiro's weapon, was in fact, called Kagetsu. He was quite good, but he was too arrogant. Then, we, Hokage team, figured out who Uruha Ma really was; they were Ura Uruha. An organization which stood behind Uruha, and its main goal is to banish those who betray Uruha, just like Koganei, for a simple example.

The first match was draw. If only those idiotic monkeys (Fuuko was included, mind) didn't help him, if only he could stay still for just another two seconds, he would win. I took Koganei in my arms, and approached to the Medical Room with Yanagi.

I didn't watch the rest of the match that day because I stayed beside Koganei's bed. I liked that kid, you know. He's a great kid.

Since that very day,

I never met Fuuko again.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

"It's been twenty years, isn't it?" Recca's voice rang into my mind. I was at Recca's son's tenth birthday party. Yes, it had been twenty years since the dreadful day I – we all Hokage – lost Fuuko. I still could picture her slender body perfectly in my mind; her utmost perfect purple hair, her great flowery and fruity scent…

I regretted that I wasn't there near her, to reach out to her, to take her hand into mine, and save her. Oh no, I was with Koganei, remember?

I dreamed about Fuuko quite often, but nowadays, that dream came into me seven days a week. I didn't know why, so all I could do just wondered.

And now, Recca brought up that topic to surface after about nineteen years not talking about it. He wasn't as sad as me, of course, he still had his love secured beside him. He and Yanagi were married about twelve years ago, right after Recca got promoted in his job and received a marvelously high salary. He's a really successful businessman right now, with almost three houses in Beverly Hills, America.

"Why brought up that topic right now?" I asked back, giving Recca's five-year old kid a gift. If one's on birthday, I still had to give the other three gifts. I didn't mind at all, though. Recca's kids were nice, just like Yanagi (luckily) with the appearance of their father.

"I don't know. Domon talked to me about it yesterday and since then," he sighed, "I can't get rid of her in my mind. I thought I have moved on, but surprisingly, I was wrong."

I stayed silent.

"Forget about it, Tokiya. What about your job? Have you and Raiha gain any success in the market? I'd love to help if you need one," he said. Raiha and I were partners in business. I was currently working as the owner of a nearby hospital.

"Market?" I let out a pathetic laugh, "Recca, I'm a doctor. Raiha is the businessman."

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry, mate."

I didn't say anything.

We both were sinking deeper and deeper into the sea of silence… when I heard Yanagi shrieked loudly (not to mention she sounded frightened too) from the kitchen.

Recca and I looked at each other for a split second, then dashed towards her.

"What is it?" Recca asked the moment we arrived at the kitchen door.

"Gas leak!" she screamed, still trying to repair the pipe, "Bring the kids out of here!"

"What about you – " Recca started.

"NEVERMIND! THE KIDS ARE OUR FIRST PRIORITY!" Yanagi shouted desperately. A moment later, she let go of the pipe and followed Recca to the front door – but something real ugly happened.

I was following them, running and panting all at once, but what got me really surprised was the fact that the house suddenly became much more darker than before. I had never run quite like that for years for goodness sake, my lungs were about to blow at any moment! So I didn't care, and continued running towards the front door, where the Hanabishis were approaching.

"What happened?" I snarled at the Hanabishi family who were trying to open the front door (and the windows near it) hardly. The strange thing was, there was no door. There was no windows at all too. I realized that all the way out was locked by solid metal.

And a thought struck into my mind:

We are trapped in this house and gas is leaking upstairs. If we weren't going to die of fire, suffocation it was.

"Even the ventilation is locked, damn it!" I heard Recca swore.

"What is it with your house?" I asked Yanagi and Recca impatiently. I was running out of calmness right now.

"It's the automatic security!" Yanagi cried, "this is a smart house, haven't anyone told you?"

Well, NO. I just found it out – in the hard way.

"Where is the main control room?" I questioned her, and at the same time, I was starting to smell the gas.

"I've tried to go there but it was locked tightly with the same solid metal!" Recca said, swearing under his breath, "damn it! There must be a false system! The door should be burst open for an hour maximum then closed again to prevent the gas from leaking outside the house – "

Their kids were crying hysterically, hugging Yanagi's legs and Recca's. Luckily, the other guests had gone home, but how unfortunate we got. Especially the Hanabishi family. The little Fuuko (Recca named it after Fuuko) was only two years old..! I didn't have the heart to watch this beautiful family I loved, die. I don't have any family, nor a wife. I didn't bother to get married at all except with Fuuko only.

I looked around me then a really smart thought exploded. "Recca! Where do you keep your saw?"

"In the garage! But if you're going to cut down the metal, you'll fastened our deaths! There surely going to be sparks, right?"

And I thought I was smart.

"How can we get these door to open?" I asked, trying to think calmly.

"By stopping the gas to leak," Yanagi replied weakly. The scent of gas was getting stronger. We had to get out of this room, I thought.

And of course, I poked my own forehead, _dough_. Gum, whatever.

"Gums," I whispered, "Maybe we can use gums to stop the gas leak."

Recca dashed silently towards his sons' room and came back with two full sack of bubble gums. It was a silly idea, but it might work.

"Chew and hand it to me!" he ordered them. Each of them took at least five gums and chewed them to death in their mouths.

"Recca," I said the moment we had enough gums to cover the pipe. "I'll go."

"Are you nuts! You'll be killed!"

"At least I don't have any wife or children who's waiting for me worriedly in my house, do I? You have Yanagi, Fuuko, Touya, Mitsuya, and Yuki to look to. I want their father to see them until – at least – they enter college."

"But – "

Before he could say anything stupid, I snatched the pile of disgusting already-chewed gums from his hand and ran upstairs, to the kitchen.

"Tokiya!" Yanagi and Recca chorused, "Good luck. Be back will you?"

I didn't nod, nor say anything. Actually, I wasn't sure whether I could be back or not. But I didn't care about that at the time, all I cared about was to safe Hanabishi family. It isn't my place to say this, but I loved Recca's children with the love of a father. I was not going to lose them, just like I lost Fuuko.

I ran towards the kitchen, not forgetting to put a wet jacket of mine in front of nose to breath. It was so _cloudy_ in there, I couldn't see anything. I could only touch things here and there, then I found the gas pipe.

I needed my both hands, so I took a deep breath and let go of the wet jacket. I took the gum out of my pocket with difficulty. I was choking, but I didn't care. I could saw starts circling around me, but it was nothing. I shoved the gum into the gas pipe and accidentally exhaled the rest of my breath. The gum trick worked, but I was starting to feel really drowsy and super dizzy.

I wasn't even able to stand.

"Tokiya!" I heard Recca's voice calling. I couldn't answer him although I was desperate to. It was like… my lungs were full of gas.

I felt Recca's strong arms pulled me slowly from the kitchen. I saw him wearing a mask. It was blurry, but I was quite sure.

"Recca," I choked.

"Don't talk."

"I won't make it anyway…" I coughed a few times more, but I still felt that Recca was still dragging me out from his massive kitchen. "Stop it, Recca. You ought to save yourself, and your family."

"But – "

"Hear me, this is my last."

He stopped moving, and I continued.

"I… I love Fuuko," another cough, "I don't know why I'm telling you this…" another cough, but now with blood, "But I thought you must know."

"Hang on, Tokiya," he said, moving on towards the way out again, gripping my hand tight in his.

"Stop it. I'm going to die anyway," another cough of blood, "I have leukemia, haven't I told you that?"

He was shocked, I could tell. And I was telling the truth. I had leukemia, stadium 4. See? I was dying anyway.

He moved again, we were so close to the door.

I suddenly saw the most beautiful light above me. To my shock, there was Fuuko in it, with beautiful white gown and spectacular golden wings at her back. She was smiling at me, saying some words I couldn't hear.

I heard Recca was saying some unclear words, but I didn't care. My only goal was to reach Fuuko's hand.

But I couldn't.

Then I lost consciousness.

**XOX**

The moment I woke up, I discovered that my eyes were teary.

I lost Fuuko once again.

Why didn't I die?

_Why? _

Why can't I be reunited with her?

Is it my destiny?

Or is it my curse?

This is my confession.

This is my regret.

I love Fuuko with all my heart, I'd give my life, my soul to her, and I _have_.

But still, why can't she be at my side?

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**Okay, another angsty one-shot Flame of Recca fan fic… I REALLY hope it's tear-jerking! Oh, weird, aren't I? Hehe… Please review, however, so I know at least someone is reading this. Even a one-letter-review is goodie! Thanks for reading and as usual… PLEASE REVIEW!**


End file.
